This was the most interesting discussion in our class last week. "Infidelity & Extramarital Affairs". Of course most of us were curious as to why it happens rather how can we prevent it from happening cause in ones life time, 95% of married couple are involved in infidelity. Well it can happen physically and also mentally. Hmmm...very interesting right??
According to Dave Carder, the author of "Torn Asunder" (http://www.tornasunder.org/)The five "A"s of Extramarital Affairs is due to lack of..
- Affirmation
- Affection (this is more for women)
- Acceptance
- Accommodation
- Adoration / Admiration (this is more for men)
If these five lacks or fails in ones relationship, marriage drifts apart, then either one party tends to find another partner to fulfill.
I didn't say this. This is according to Willard Harley, the man who wrote books on building marriage to last a lifetime (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/).
Her Needs
- Affection (Women loves praises, what's wrong in daily compliments??)
- Conversation (women loves to talk, so guys need to listen)
- Honesty & Integrity (Need to be smart guys)
- Financial Support (Definitely not for materialistic women, I suppose someone who can support her and family)
- Family commitment (Guys are usually commitment when they are married but somehow some cannot express well, need personal grooming I suppose :-) )
- These our group of classmates added one more..."sex". Think women these days show importance to this too.
His Needs
- Admiration (I honestly dinch know this, something new that I learnt about guys)
- Sexual fulfillment (Hmm...no comments)
- Recreational companionship (Ladies need to show interest in whatever these guys like, be it soccer :-))
- Physical Attractiveness (Think is norm for most guys, that's why there many slimming centre and product are making $$$)
- Domestic Support (Ladies need to be multi-taskers to win the men's heart)
So why people are more vulnerable these days? It all leads to the unmet needs listed above and I mainly would highlight the ego thingy in everyone.
How is this unmet needs happen.
- Exposure to media and "other" world
- Educational standards
- Marriage becomes dull
- Lowered in nurturance level
- Financial conflict (one does better than the other)
- Power control issues (WHO IS IN POWER HERE??)
- Sexual dissatisfaction.
- Hungry for emotional and physical needs
- Angry with spouses
- Loneliness
- Tired / Feeling empty
- Bored
When I took some time to contemplate, these hardly happen during our parents/grandparents time. They stick to marriage vows strictly no matter what kind of spouses they get.
These days I think women are getting more sophiscated and smarter. They are proving to the men that they can live without them.
If marriage needs to be held till the end, there is lots of hardwork. I shall write a review on how much of hard work is required in a marriage, the list surprises me. Honestly, I barely met 20%...not an easy task..cheerio!!
