I have been hearing complains afters complains from most of my friends, well that includes myself too...hahaha. Here is something to help IMS men...to read more, please visit the website.
15 ACTIONS YOU CAN TAKE TO HELP AN IMS (IRRITABLE MALE SYNDROME) MAN IN DENIAL
2. Take a step back. You can't push him to change. He can make changes only when he is ready. You can step back only if you can keep yourself from panicking. This is a good time to tell someone you trust about what is going on.
3. Recognize your own feelings and fears about the situation. What are his actions triggering in you? Are you feeling angry? Do you want to fight back? Do you feel inadequate? Are you wondering what you did wrong? Are you afraid that he's going to leave - or that you will?
4. Slow down. Take care of yourself. Don't make any decisions while you are in a panic. Remind yourself that no matter how important your relationship is, it is not the only aspect of your life. There are other people who are important to you, and there are other things that give you pride and pleasure.
5. Find your own place of emotional safety so you don't let yourself feel battered by his stormy moods. Tell yourself over and over again, "I am not the target. These are his feelings of pain and powerlessness." What he is saying or doing, no matter how hurtful, is not a statement about you or your adequacy.
6. Never listen to what he thinks about you. Listen for how he feels. Judgment and blame are only cover-ups for his feelings and unmet needs. Words can be deeply wounding. When men experience the Irritable Male Syndrome, they may say things that can be very hurtful. For instance, an IMS male may say, "Damn it, can't you ever do anything right? Are you really that stupid?" You can think, "I must be a lousy wife" or "He's a vicious, mean bastard." Or you can say to yourself, "I wonder if he's feeling enraged because he needs support or comfort or understanding."
7. Let him know you are aware that he is in pain and you are open to listening to what is on his mind, when he is ready. Irritable males seem to be doing everything they can to push people away, yet they want more than anything to be understood. Like angry children, they want to know that you are there, that you won't be driven away, and that you will listen when they are ready.
8. Suggest walking and talking. Men often open up more easily when they are communicating "side by side" rather than "face to face." Sitting down and talking about what is going on might not be the best way to reach them. Men tend to be "doers," not "discussers." They often find it easier to talk when they are doing something (throwing a ball, fixing a car, walking) and when they are not looking into someone's eyes. To women, eye contact provides a feeling of nurturing and support. It often makes men feel that they have been put on the spot, so they become defensive and withdrawn.
9. Let him know that you care about him and that you know he cares about you. Ask him if he'd be willing to listen, without responding, for five minutes while you tell him how his irritability and blame make you feel. Share your own needs for safety, self-esteem, intimacy, and love.
10. Get help and support from friends and family. Don't try to solve the situation by yourself. You may feel ashamed to ask for help. You may want others to know the man in your life is acting the way he is. He may be telling you, directly or indirectly, not to tell anyone about what is going on. Don't give in to the fear; reach out to people. Be good to yourself.
11. Seek out a counselor, if necessary, who can help you work with your feelings and suggest ways to work with the IMS man. Sometimes you need more than the support of friends and family. Professional help may be necessary. Many times, people hold back, thinking, "If he won't go for help, what's the use?" Getting help for yourself may be the first step in breaking destructive cycles and getting help for him.
12. If you are seeing a counselor, request that he call the IMS man and ask him to come in to help you and the family. Often, a man has trouble asking for help for himself but will go in to help a woman and children. Even teens and young men will often go if they think their thoughts will be heard and they can help others. It helps a man's self-esteem to know that he is doing something good, even if he feels confused and angry inside.
13. Tell him, and remind yourself, that you are both on the same side. The problem isn't you or him. The problem is his irritability and anger that are caused by his unmet needs. Let him know that you are committed to working with him to find out what those needs are and to help him meet them.
14. Don't give up. Create an atmosphere of safety. Invite him to join you in finding ways to create a better relationship for you both. If he doesn't respond, pull back. Approach again at another time.
15. Be firm. Let him know you love him but you aren't going to give up on your own happiness. Tell him things need to change and you want him to join with you in making a life that works for both of you.
One thing for sure...it's not going to be easy with Indian Men..hahaha
