One Not Enough

This was the most interesting discussion in our class last week. "Infidelity & Extramarital Affairs". Of course most of us were curious as to why it happens rather how can we prevent it from happening cause in ones life time, 95% of married couple are involved in infidelity. Well it can happen physically and also mentally. Hmmm...very interesting right??

According to Dave Carder, the author of "Torn Asunder" (http://www.tornasunder.org/)The five "A"s of Extramarital Affairs is due to lack of..

1. Affirmation
2. Affection (this is more for women)
3. Acceptance
4. Accommodation
5. Adoration / Admiration (this is more for men)
   

If these five lacks or fails in ones relationship, marriage drifts apart, then either one party tends to find another partner to fulfill.

Both Male and Female have their own needs and if these are unmet, then it leads to trouble!!!.

I didn't say this. This is according to Willard Harley, the man who wrote books on building marriage to last a lifetime (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/).

Her Needs

1. Affection (Women loves praises, what's wrong in daily compliments??)
2. Conversation (women loves to talk, so guys need to listen)
3. Honesty & Integrity (Need to be smart guys)
4. Financial Support (Definitely not for materialistic women, I suppose someone who can support her and family)
5. Family commitment (Guys are usually commitment when they are married but somehow some cannot express well, need personal grooming I suppose :-) )
6. These our group of classmates added one more..."sex". Think women these days show importance to this too.

His Needs

1. Admiration (I honestly dinch know this, something new that I learnt about guys)
2. Sexual fulfillment (Hmm...no comments)
3. Recreational companionship (Ladies need to show interest in whatever these guys like, be it soccer :-))
4. Physical Attractiveness (Think is norm for most guys, that's why there many slimming centre and product are making $$$)
5. Domestic Support (Ladies need to be multi-taskers to win the men's heart)

So why people are more vulnerable these days? It all leads to the unmet needs listed above and I mainly would highlight the ego thingy in everyone.

How is this unmet needs happen.

• Exposure to media and "other" world
• Educational standards
• Marriage becomes dull
• Lowered in nurturance level
• Financial conflict (one does better than the other)
• Power control issues (WHO IS IN POWER HERE??)
• Sexual dissatisfaction.
• Hungry for emotional and physical needs
• Angry with spouses
• Loneliness
• Tired / Feeling empty
• Bored

When I took some time to contemplate, these hardly happen during our parents/grandparents time. They stick to marriage vows strictly no matter what kind of spouses they get.

These days I think women are getting more sophiscated and smarter. They are proving to the men that they can live without them.

If marriage needs to be held till the end, there is lots of hardwork. I shall write a review on how much of hard work is required in a marriage, the list surprises me. Honestly, I barely met 20%...not an easy task..cheerio!!

Celebration Continues

Well, there goes Deepavali but the spirit is still there. We have not completed our visiting.

On Deepavali, our usual we went to temple, then to my mother-in-law's place. In the evening to my grandpa's place and was back home because of my professors. It was nice for them to visit me on the first day of Deepavali. They tasted my cookies and had fun. They only left at 11.45pm.

The next day, more professors came over for dinner. I cooked Fish Kurma, Jira rice, Chicken curry and thosai. They loved the food. I was happy they enjoyed the company.

On Saturday.....party at my place from tea till 3am...crazy rite!!! I was exhausted by end of the day. I went marketing in the morning and cooked by 3pm. I made roti jala, chicken and mutton. The ladies wanted finger food, so I bought samosa, curry puffs, chicken wings..what else..yes! hot dog and many more. It was non-stop party. My best friend Ratna came over with her family. A sudden change in her husband, more friendly than expected. My mom, aunts and uncles came over. Last but not least my in-laws...a bunch of freaking married women. All dance and partied till 3am. By the time I clean up the house it was almost 4.30am. Phew! What a day..

On Sunday...whole family got up at 12noon. This time we started visiting. Our intention was to cover 2 houses...but believe it...from 3pm till 11pm, we covered 4 houses!!! Another crazy idea. I wished that I took leave on Monday :-)

Last Saturday, I went to my brother Puvan's house in Taman Perling. It was a great time to meet with all my father's brother's children...they all have grown old and their children are all grown up....a sign of aging..hehehe. Well, I should say I'm growing wiser. We played all kind of crackers. It felt good again, back to my childhood days in my kampung. I really missed Malaysia lifestyle. It's so simple and fun. People are so warm and welcoming....Will post more of those photos of playing crackers soon.

Sunday visited Suba's place. She cooked Nasi Lemak. Guess that was a good change after all the chicken and mutton. Back home early as both my children not well.

Party continues next week at Suguna's place.

Happy Deepavali